I served Selah her dinner about a week ago- and that is what she said. "This is not what I ordered". Not in an ugly way- she was sweet and sincere and had a respectful tone.
I served her some light turkey sausage(that's a hot dog at our house) and some corn. Her favorite. But she said, "This is not what I ordered. I wanted a broccoli taco."
OK-now I know. I need just to tell God- this is not what I ordered!!!!!!!
So- here it goes. And I have to be honest- as I am writing and praying, I am "crying my eyeballs off" as Selah would say.
Dear Jesus-
I am praying this with a sweet spirit. This is really not what I ordered. I am not angry. I know you love me. I know I am very blessed in so many ways. I thank you Jesus that my husband is so wonderful, that you have blessed us with two amazing girls. Thank you that my husband loves his job and that You have provided for us. Thank you Jesus.
But this is not what I ordered. I ordered to be south! Close to our families- close to my sweet mom. I want to be near her. Dad was just in the hospital- nothing major, but I couldn't be with him Jesus. I miss friends that you have knit me together with. I miss my church family- I miss them more than words and tears can describe.
Jesus, you know Skylar has close friends in two southern states- good kids that God placed in her life from wonderful families. Do you know how hard it is for a teenager to move in a span of two years? Yes you do , I know. I am reminded of all of the military families- my heart goes out to them. I know I need to appreciate the sacrifices those families make for our freedom- not just in battle- but in day to day living. Please Lord be with them.
We passed this moving test once. Please Lord- could I have what I ordered? And close proximity to a Harris Teeter or a Publix would be nice. Just kidding, kind of- a smiling, familiar face in at the grocery counter means a lot more to me now Jesus. Sorry I took that one for granted.
Jesus- I love you and I thank you that I can be real with you always. I know you love me too. You love us all so much! Thanks for all you do in spite of my shortfalls. And thank you for listening. I 'm so glad that you are always with me. Thank you sweet Holy Spirit for comforting me.
And thanks Jesus for reminding me, just now, what I ordered.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
You are my Portion.
In your name I pray Jesus. Amen
If you are wondering if I gave in and fixed Selah a broccoli taco- I didn't. I can't remember if she ate her "hot dog" at this very moment- but I think she finally did.
It is a hard lesson for us to learn isn't- even as adults. Sometimes we don't get what we ordered, or what we think we ordered! Our loving Daddy in heaven is not trying to torture us. He loves us and knows what's best.
He tells us not to complain(Phil 2:14). You know why? It doesn't do you or anyone else around you any good. And it doesn't get you what you ordered. Talk to Him instead. He is a really good listener, I promise.
He tells us to rejoice (Phil 4:4)- always. Ok I am- but is it cool to rejoice with tears? Yes, He said. I know Jesus understands tears- He shed some for you and me one night in a garden. I can't forget those. You just don't need to let those tears take you away from His purpose...
He tells us that He is our strength (Psalm 18:2).
And- that if we are seeking Him- we will not miss Him (2 Chronicles 15:2)
He can use you anywhere.
He is everywhere
and He knows everything.
And He loves us with an incomprehensible love. His love for us is the driving force behind His every move and has been since before time began.
As our pastor reminded us- we are not on a cruise ship playing shuffle board. We are on a battle field. And if you are praying for the Lord to use you... sometimes it is not easy.
But Lord- I just want to tell you- I know it is worth it.
Praising Him and no longer crying my eyeballs off-jananne
